Continued Patience

I want to share with you a secret that I do not tell many people about: I love the Twilight series and have read the books numerous times and watched the movies too often—it is embarrassing if I were to actually quantify this. Really, for me it is right up there with Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, and Harry Potter. I love the characterization of Bella Swan; all of her doubts, imperfections, strength, courage, and love (even if she makes some EXTREMELY poor choices along the way).

There is this one scene where Bella says, “I need a human moment,” and I feel like that is what happened to me. I needed a moment to freak out, have doubts, experience the sheer feeling of being overwhelmed by what I was volunteering to do; being ‘human’ is not the end goal, but it is okay to experience. This is all part of the learning process and how we gain knowledge that will guide us throughout our life. I am not moving forward in mere blind obedience, not taking into account the consequences of my actions, but I am better learning how to have a more perfect faith and align my will to the Lord’s.

After my shock and fear wore off, I was able to tell my parents, my Branch President, my Stake President, that I know of a surety that this is something that I want and am prepared to do. How could I have ever thought to go anywhere else but Mongolia? I love them. When I first looked at the pictures of Mongolia, my initial feeling was pure fear of the unknown, then I started to love the landscape (take a look at the mountains and sky, it is beautiful), but now I look at the pictures to see the people. I want to meet them and am anxiously awaiting the opportunity. I needed that moment.

I found comfort that there were prophets who also had their own Human Moment:

Moses did when he said, “O my Lord, I am not eloquent…but am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.” (Exodus 4:10)

Jonah did when, instead of serving in Nineveh (a place that scared the tar out of him), he literally tried to run away (Jonah 1:3)

Even Peter denied Christ three times on the day of His trials and crucifixion and said, “I know not the man” (Matt. 26:69-75).

What is the most remarkable about all of these examples is the patience that the Lord has with them. The Lord did not instantly write them

off the list because of a moment of faltering--each one of these prophets made an amazing recovery! Moses, humbled, would go on to lead the people of Israel from bondage out of Egypt and through the wilderness; Jonah, having repented, went to teach the people of Nineveh unto repentance; and Peter, having wept bitterly for his denial, led the Church after the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ, bringing many people unto Him.

I am not a prophet. I have not yet proved the strength of my commitment, but I know that the Lord still has trust in me despite the rough beginning. “For I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed be those who hearken upon my precept…for unto him that receiveth I will give more…” (2 Nephi 28:30). My moment is passed and I am ready to hit the ground running.